My Journey

A year ago this month (10-18-05) I found out that I had breast cancer. A suspicious lump was found on my annual mamogram that the doc decided to watch and re-do a mamo in 4-6 month's time. Needless to say I did not wait 6 months but returned in 4 months only to find that the lump had grown quite a bit in that time. An appointment was made with a surgeon (who is a wonderful person-he has a way about him-I trust him with my life....hell I did trust him with my life!) who scheduled a core biopsy. Even though the lump had grown he didnt think that it was cancer, just didnt look like cancer. Dr D knew that we had planned on spending a long weekend up north with friends so rather than wait until Monday to tell me he called me at home to tell me that I did in fact have cancer and went on to say that he didnt want me to wait all weekend to find out. I was glad that he didnt wait.

Needless to say to hear this news is quite numbing. Poor David, I can't even begin to think how he felt. And Lenny...this news on the tails of Granny's passing. What a kick in the gut.

That night I went to bed, turned on Lifetime TV (yes I'm addicted to it!!!) and there was Melissa Etheridge doing a concert for breast cancer. Now I am not a Melissa Etheridge fan but I am so thankful that she happened to be on that night. She too is a BC survivor and said the words that I lived by....talk about it it takes away the fear. I talked to anyone that would listen (and still do so there!) and it helped me cope.

I also am a firm believer that you choose your attitude. Your glass can either be half empty or half full. You can take what is dealt you and make the best of it or you can throw your hand in and quit. Quit I did not and have not. This is not to say that there wont be down days, days when you feel like crawling into bed and crying. Or running around the house screaming and yelling and throwing things when no one is looking-this is my personal favorite. I just did it yesterday and felt much better. Crying gives me a headache and makes me tired..ranting and raving suites me much better!

My mastectomy removed all of the cancer that they know of. There was no lymp node involvement and on December 6th I began chemotherapy. This has been and will be a long journey but we will walk it one day at a time.

You know, the cancer and treatment of has been the easy part really. You just do what you have to do. Dr D told me that I would mourn the loss of my breast, I thought no not me....well yup I did for a few days mourn that loss and it surprised me. However, the most difficult part is what the ramifications of this disease does to your self esteem.

The chemo makes you feel like a real idiot-it's chemo fog and boy it's thick. For many losing their hair hits them hard. For me it was losing my job that kicked me in the gut. BUT everything happens for a reason and I needed to be out of that environment. You certainly do learn who your friends really are when you go through something like this tho.

Last night I met a gal whose grandma and mom have had breast cancer. She is afraid, afraid to do self exams, afraid to do any testing for herself for fear of what she will find. I understand that fear. Prior to my diagnosis I did not do self exams because I did not want to feel that lump and only did mamograms because my doc insisted. I am hear to tell you though that it pays to be proactive. Finding something early increases your chance of cure/survival.

Along with ranting and raving my other saving grace has been my camera. There is nothing more I like than to walk in the woods taking pictures of whatever it is I may see. I am closing today with some pictures that I took up north last weekend. Enjoy and buy pink stuff this month.

This is what is left of the colorful leaves in our woods.

Looking through our woods as the sun sets on a cold, cloudy blustery day.

Our dogs Tackla and Peeko who love the woods as much as we do. Poor Peeko who has curly hair gets into the burs and bad. He has had his tail stuck to his butt, his ears stuck to his head and his lip so full that he cant move it! You'd think he's learn to stay out of them but NO.